K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to calm my uterus...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
