he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
