I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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