you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
