peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
