During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
smell my finger.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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