I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
