it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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