Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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