I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
