I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
as a side note pls kill me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
