She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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