I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
