Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
