It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
