When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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