If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
