Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
