Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
