worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
