I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
