You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
