Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
