Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
