Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
