Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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