I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize