I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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