oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
