Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
