the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
