you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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