I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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