I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
