Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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