birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
