Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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