Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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