it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
