don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
