she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's blow job season.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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