i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
