She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
