I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
