hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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