alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
