FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
