I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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