Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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