dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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