Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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