I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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