you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
