i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
