Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
