Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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