does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
