i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
