I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
