yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
