Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize