I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
