no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
