3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
