I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
