this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
