Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
