Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
