I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
