take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
