You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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