Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize