i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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