Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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