Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
