he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
