What a fucking waste of an outfit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
