So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
